What behaviors are most harmful to a relationship?  

Research has identified that the following four behaviors can cause the greatest harm to a relationship:

o  Criticism: Usually involves blaming, attacking someone's personality or character - rather than a specific behavior, making an accusation.

o  Contempt: Involves insulting and psychologically abusing the partner with words and body language fueled by negative thoughts about the partner such as she/he is stupid, disgusting, incompetent and a fool.

o  Defensiveness: When one or both partners are unwilling to accept personal responsibility, make excuses, and cross complain.

o  Stonewalling: When one or both partners removes themselves from the message either non-verbally or physically by offering utterings, changing the subject, or physically removing themselves from confrontation.

Because these negative patterns are so poisonous to relationships, it is important to learn new and more constructive ways of raising reasonable concerns within a relationship. If you find yourself falling into these negative behaviors, you can learn new behaviors that can lead to healthier relationships by participating in a relationship class offered via Family Bridges.    

Source: Gottman, J. (1994). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. New York, Rockfeller.