Words that help repair conflicts
The WORDS you speak affect your spouse. Your words can lift and motivate, or they can insult, criticize. and kill the spirit within a marriage. Take control of your own words. Research shows that people who learn to speak up with soft start ups instead of hard start ups, demonstrate healthier relationships. During a fight when you are feeling stuck, incorporate soft start ups that lead to compromise, conflict resolution and ease tension in the relationship. Examples of soft start up words and phrases that you can learn are listed below.
Words of Apology
Avoid the trap of the blame game by accepting and owning your part of the problem as well. Learn to say the following:
o I really blew that one.
o How can I make things better?
o My part of this problem is . . .
o Let's try that one over again.
o I'm sorry. Please forgive me.
Words of Appreciation
Remember and be thankful. Say the following often:
o Thank you for . . .
o One thing I admire about you is . . .
o I see what you're talking about.
o I am grateful when. . .
Words to Calm Down
Be careful about an out of control argument where spiteful words that you say later haunt you with guilt and hurt the ones you love. Say the following when you feel your emotional level is getting the best of you and making it difficult for you to think straight.
o I need things to be calmer right now.
o I am starting to feel overwhelmed.
o Can we take a break and continue to talk later?
Words that Lead to Compromise
Sometimes the best thing is work as a team and accept influence from others. Learn to say:
o You're starting to convince me
o Lets find a common ground
o I never thought of things that way
o I think your point of view makes sense.
o Let's agree to include both our views in a solution.
Words that Reflect How You Feel
o I'm feeling unappreciated
o I'm getting worried
o I feel critized. Can you rephrase that?
o That felt like an insult
o I'm feeling sad
o I feel blamed. Can you rephrase that?
Words are a powerful tool. They can lift a person's spirit or they can destroy a person's soul. They can lead to destruction or they can lead to reconciliation. You can change the outcome of conflicts by learning and using words that uplift, build, encourage, and bring hope.
